Splash

Recently, I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother that was all about how, when you are stepping into a new stage of your life all you can see is the good of the previous stage. These goggles make you teary-eyed as you contemplate nice memories and charish the arguments and challenges. I wouldn't say these goggles distort the truth . . . they merely shed a nice, rosy tint. Needless to say, I have been wearing my own graduation goggles these last few weeks and days prior to my departure.


Picture this: I am sitting on my bed, in my room, in the middle of the organized chaos that is my life. Around me at arm's reach, I have sprawled tour books, work-outs, plans and other reading material. My departure is approximately 32 hours away and I am getting really excited about the new world I am about to step foot in. After all, the tour books make Eastern Europe look fantastic, what with their sunny skies and smiling faces. This feeling is bittersweet though, because to get to my new home, I will need to leave my old one behind. It's really tough to say goodbye - or see you (three months) later - to family, friends, even other community members, hobbies and routine. As I look past the foot of my bed, I notice my handidown golf clubs - who will go yet another spring without being used - and my poor hockey stick. (It will be so lonely this summer . . .) My dresser, just left of those, is covered with pictures of family, pictures of friends from highschool to first year to my don year. Sitting innocently next to those is the softball that helped my team win the Ontario championships one year. I know I will be coming back to many of the close relationships and good times that these items represent, but this summer abroad is yet another reminder that I am growing up. I will be missing a traditional summer at home while I learn about the outside world . . . becauuse there's so much more to life than days at the beach, sports, and even kinesiology (yes, I said it). As great as those are, and as difficult as it is for me to admit this, they're not the be-all, end-all.


As I realize there's more out there, I also realyize that I am growing out of the little sister, little girl role.  This is to be expected as life is full of transitions, but it feels like a revelation every time. As my mom would put it, my Beyond Borders experience is putting her kidneys particularly close to ther eyes. I fear this leak is genetic.


I continue to sit on my bed and take note of the chaos that has helped to form me. In a closet in one corner of my room, I have piled my awards - from MVP medals to recognition plaques, an olympic torch, and gifts from my SJ girls. They're all reminders of what I accomplished and what I will. Books are in another section, as is equipment and sentimental reminders. Then there are pictures. Pictures are scattered throughout because people are the glue that hold me together. Together, these things are a reminder of who I was, who I a and who I will be. Some memories and relationships have grown more vibrant while others have faded, but that's life. Situations change, people grow, and the human mind/heart is incredibly adaptive. As far as the lonliness goes for this summer, there's no reason to feel alone because just by reading this, you are on my journey with me.


Let's meet this challenge head on - and crash through it like we're breaking waves! (I'll pull you at times and I'm sure you'll need to block for me.) Here goes!

Waves of Excitement

This weekend has been gorgeous and that weather is really getting me excited for my summer in the Ukraine! I will miss being home with family and friends, but I know there will be a lot of good in the Ukraine as well. I am looking forward to learning my way around Ternopil and having days of fun activities and fresh air with the girls of Internat.

To add to my excitement, I spent Saturday afternoon at a local adventure store looking for equipment. The shopping experience certainly made this Beyond Borders journey feel more real. Can you believe I'll be leaving in just a tad over two weeks? And I'll be gone for three months. Tomorrow, my flights will be booked. I'll be leaving on April 28 and returning Aug 12.Yikes

A few people have asked me if I'm emotionally ready. My answers have been pretty noncommittal because I don't even know what I'm getting ready for. I can plan all I want but I've been told time and again that my experience will not be as planned. So, as far as being prepared goes, I am expecting the unexpected and will not be sure if I am ready until I get there. I'm sure I will have my doubts even when I'm in the Ukraine, but whatever happens, happens. I feel like I have done enough planning and risk assessment to last a lifetime but am fully aware that I have not covered every possible situation. I know what do to in an emergency and I have a plan for accessing money and communicating with home. Besides that, I' have to just deal with whatever comes up.

Emotionally, I feel like I need a bit more of a plan. I want to make sure I get a lot out of this experience but not at the expense of loosing connection with my dearest friends and family at home. I plan to stay connected and sane by calling home once a week,

Continuing to write blogs, possibly checking out facebook (but don't expect a response to messages left there), checking email a couple times per week, journaling and staying active. There's not gym in the area but I plan to work out in the morning, walk to my placement, and do activities with others in the afternoon.

I also plan to bring Jean Vanier's "Becoming human," and a couple other feel-good books. I know bringing my ipod is a risk, but I'll be bringing it anyway - gotta have some good tunes.

My comfort food consists of some peaches 'n cream oatmeal and some tea. I would bring chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter as well but I don't think they'd last the journey.

I also really like Wherther's and those white and green mints. These candies will also be good for giving to other people.

All this talk of coping strategies is giving me knots in my stomache. I can do it though . . . I know I can.

Thank you to all of you who helped make this experience possible. I am very appreciative of your financial contributions and could not have done it without your collective emotional support. I will be sure to keep you updated through my blog postings.

 For those of you who donated, I am sorry I could not organize a thank you dinner before I leave, but I will be sure to make a good Ukrainian home cooked dinner for you upon my return. (That is, once I have learned how to cook one!)

Thank you for your time, your concern, and your prayers.

Until next time,

Jess V

My Three Words

I was unable to take part in Tim's video but I would like to share my three words and my two cents:

Reveal. Ground. Do.

Beyond Borders reveals a lot: what different cultures are like, what challenges face the world, and how people like myself handle those challenges. The program reveals character.

I have felt grounded this term: I remain humbled by the experiences and works of others; my good fortune in comparison to some people's circumstances; and my limited (but growing) understanding of our world. I also feel rooted because the challenges I have faced in this program has brought me closer to family and friends.

Action words are not usually used to describe anything but I've learned that rules are usually simply strong suggestions - and that there are always exceptions. I felt it was appropriate to use action words because this program is all about taking action. There are many classes to attend and books to read about today's 'problems' but it take a special kind of program to allow you to experience them. Hence, my last word is "do."

Find Tim's Beyond Borders Video at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLZuRmyJ4dY&feature=player_embedded

Seeing Ukraine

Let this be a reminder of the T part of BREATHE: Thank others for their help (meaning ask for help and use the resources provided). The following links were brought to my attention by Dr. Myroslaw Tataryn and help provide a much clearer picture of my home for this summer.

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0108070.html?pageno=1 (Please is the magic word!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ML0xqiJXyEw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJBfJMgg1ug

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/fast_track/9429433.stm (Chocolate, beer and coffee. Challenge accepted J )

www.kievpost.com

 

Crisis

 Crisis - in existence and effect - is subjective.

This is a strong statement and could even be offending to some, given the obvious physical damage caused by natural disaster and the emotional scars caused by a significant loss. However I believe that one situation, shed in a new light can be totally different. I'd like to bring a few examples to mind to illustrate this: natural disasters, physical ailments, and mental or emotional breakdowns. As weak as these situations can make one feel, they each have their own way of bringing out the strength of human beings.

Natural  - as in environmental - disasters are difficult to overlook in times like today's, what with the waves whose damage never seems to dry and quakes that leave the whole world rattled. Yes there is physical, observable damage. There is loss and confusion, and there are countless tears of frustration. These emotions - the ones that churn your stomach and tear out your heart - are the same ones that show care for humanity, care for something. They pull people to action and give us a reason to remember whatever is outside our little lives. They bring out strength in a people. The media is full of news about damage done but it only takes one look into a store window or a school bulletin board to realize that our lives are becoming filled with others - and efforts to lend a hand, connecting however we can.

Physical and mental/emotional ailments can include anything from acute injury to the onset of a disease like cancer. Both could be terminal and leave lasting effects. I was reminded of this at the Relay for Life on Friday as participants gathered together to remember, honor and support the lives that have been touched by cancer. Severe illnesses like this and injury (like I will discuss later) are both life changers. I'm not sure what the most difficult part is - the actual changes that happen or the fear that life is only going to take a turn for the worst. My worst nightmare would be needing to go through something like that alone without people I love being with me or the hope of them being there for me when the battle subsides. This is why it is so important to remember to stick together. The Relay was an excellent demonstration of the strength of other people.  It stems from individual chains of courage and forms into a sturdy safety net. This event is a lasting reminder to lend a hand and connect in whatever way possible. I am sure people who suffer form cancer often feel isolated - as do people with disabilities, or those suffering depression, simple apathy, or mental breakdown - but if they are able to see that they are not alone in their trials, I think they (we) could be more at peace.

Even though we are not alone when facing these life challenges, we still need to figure out a way to address them. It’s interesting to examine our crisis response on a personal level. By nature, we physiologically enter our fight or flight response when we think survival is at risk. This response has stuck with us through evolution as a species from when it was necessary to run or fight to get away from danger. Although most problems of today’s world cannot be righted by either of those solutions, humans proceed to tighten our jaws and hips, increase heart rate, slow digestion, dilate our pupils and sweat when we feel threatened. The course of blood (and thus oxygen) flow is transferred from internal organs to the muscle and more superficial blood vessels. Rational thinking slows, as we are forced to respond instinctually. I expect this to be part of the reason people tend to act differently when under even chronic stress.

Like I mentioned in a previous blog, chronic stress causes different aspect of people’s personality – usually the ugly versions - to come to the surface. This is but one indication of the stress response and, like the fight or fight response, demonstrates discomfort. I think the alternate personality characteristics and fight or flight response could be connected since the physiological response could influence the emotional and intellectual pathways through changes in the flow of blood and hormones (e.g. Progesterone, which is produced to a greater extent in stressful situations).

Perhaps the reason situations are considered crises is that they happen unexpectedly and their effects are often out of control of the people involved. Gaining some control may be another way to have peace of mind. Whatever the reason or pattern, I would like to suggest a few coping strategies:

First, BREATHE. Back to that physiological response, deep breathing helps to circulate oxygen through the body and brain. The slow breathing that is required for deep breaths helps prevent or slow hyperventilation. The acronym, BREATHE, goes on with other suggestions about how to respond (or rather, evaluate before responding) to a threatening situation. The acronym, as taught in RS 383 is as follows:

Be still
Release the tension
Examine the situation
Accept the challenge (it is what it is...*)
Thank others for help and advice (use resources around you)
Handle one thing at a time
Engage (act, begin, move forward from the situation)

It’s easy to read, harder to remember, and even more of a challenge to actually do. Thus, I’ll give it to you again. This time, don’t just skim it. Actually read it and do it as you think of something that is or would bother you.

Be still
Release the tension
Examine the situation
Accept the challenge (it is what it is...*)
Thank others for help and advice (use resources around you)
Handle one thing at a time
Engage (act, begin, move forward from the situation)

One more time because third time’s the charm. Remember that this is your time that you took to sit and read this blog. There’s no sense rushing or focusing on something else right now because dividing your attention is not going to do you any more good than focusing on the here and now.

Be still
Release the tension
Examine the situation
Accept the challenge (it is what it is...*)
Thank others for help and advice (use resources around you)
Handle one thing at a time
Engage (act, begin, move forward from the situation)

Another thing you can do to control a situation is to change how you perceive it. Attitude is an important tool as it can change your perspective to a much more advantageous one. (Consider focusing on a hockey game by watching the puck only versus also being aware of each team’s positioning. A weak, blocked shot may seem like a failed attempt in the first scenario but if someone is set up for the rebound, that obstacle is actually an advantage.) 

The inspiration for this attitude strategy was brought to me by a fellow by the name of Michael Gardner. He was once a mechanical engineering student at the University of Waterloo and is now a public speaker with a degree from Laurier and a communications diploma from Conestoga. His storey goes like this:

Future shining bright, Micheal was on his way back to school with his girlfriend and a belly stuffed full of Portuguese cooking. Roads were slippery and, on the way back, the car he was in slid into the other lane and was struck by oncoming traffic. Micheal suffered many injuries including a severe brain injury that left him in a coma for three months. After he came to, Michael had great difficulty with movements and now, approximately ten years later, continues to be impaired in his motor abilities. This goes beyond walking and writing to slowness of speech, as the fine movements involved are still difficult for him to control. One great challenge for Michael, from the beginning of his post-accident consciousness to today, is the fact that his mind is still very active but he has difficulty communicating his thoughts or finding people who appreciate them on an equal level as their own.

Like anyone would, Michael has a hard time getting used to his new body and life. He mentioned that he used to have temper tantrums out of frustration and some days, just nothing went right. His wake-up call came from his father who took the “tough love” approach by telling him to quit his whining.  This initiated an attitude shift that has changed his perspective. From this view, Michael’s message is that oppression is a frame of mind.

This contrasts what we have been learning in Beyond Borders class as our eyes have opened to many injustices and the harsh realities of our world. One of the key concepts is that people who are different from the upper class of a culture are at a disadvantage and face an unfair mountain of oppression to climb before receiving what is just. Micheal certainly had a mountain to climb from my perspective but he is managing see a path and appreciate it one step at a time.

This is why I think crisis is subjective: if you can change your attitude and your attitude can change your perception of a situation, a crisis may seem more like a road bump or even a positive change in direction. As wrenching as the accompanied emotions can be, they are better than numbness.  Either way there's hope, since even numbness can be thawed by some warmth or, as in Michael's case, chipped away by a sharp wake-up call.

The take-home message is to breathe, connect and pan out for a better view.