A Banquet

 

When Joanne was telling us how to think of things to write in our blogs, she suggested reading our classmate's blogs for inspiration. The following entry is a true example of that, as it was inspired by what Brittany had to say about feeling a little self-centered.

Like Brittany, I kind of feel like the word "I" (and its forms) appears way too much in my blogs - isn't this experience supposed to be about helping others, about experiencing the word outside of myself?

Yes but, just like in the lab, it's important to understand what you're working with before you know how it will react. Then, by the reaction, you can further tell what you're working with.

This is   another "I" blog but I'm posting it anyway because I think it might also help my classmates. It started out as a poem but kind of got a little messy . . . o well . . . life's messy. Enjoy ;)

A Banquet

I'm sitting at work but my mind's far from it

I feel so distracted these days

It's about time

As I read the blogs of my classmates,

I realize what I've been missing.

I've been writing to get stuff done

But not kidding anyone -

I'm fueled by inspiration

I actually feel crippled because I've been so concerned with deadlines and structure, not allowing inspiration to creep in to topple the balance - to create something magical.

Well, that's not 100% true. I have allowed inspiration, something that makes me very happy, but it hasn't exactly helped me academically . . . not yet anyway. It's about a boy.

For ages it seems, I've been that person who just seems to know how to manage their time and get stuff done. I've never really thrown a boyfriend into a mix before though and I'm beginning to realize how time can just disappear on you.

You see, I have a lot on my plate between family/friends (they're becoming one and the same), sports, work, courses, community stuff, faith and I'm stuck in a limbo - to whom/what should I devote myself?

My little habit of intensity makes this predicament worse . . . for some reason, I feel the need to go 110% all the time. It doesn’t cause me to burn out, though, because I won't let it. Rather, this intensity energizes me. I am lifted by knowing that I'm giving my all. I am going to sound proud here, but I'll say it anyway: I've always been told to do my best - and my best is pretty darn good. The trouble comes when my 110% isn't enough.

 (Insert sarcastic tone here) You mean I can't be a leader in the community, and an elite athlete, and a devoted Catholic, and an exceptional researcher, and an A student, and a supportive friend/aunt/daughter/sister and make time for the 'normal' hang-outs, and just be?

It doesn't bother me that I'm having trouble balancing these goals - that's a difficult task and one that many people face. Na, I don't feel content, nor do I want to. What is contentment anyway? To me right now, to be content is to settle. That's not what I do. Joyous and alive are much better words for how I feel and how I would like to.

I recognize the detrimental effects that pressure can have and so I take care to let things go sometimes. This is where intervals come in. Intervals are key

Let me explain:

All runners are in a continuous cycles of falling and catching themselves. It's how they get anywhere. Yes, there's more risk, but it's much more exhilarating than remaining stagnant. However, intervals are necessary and this is how it feels: you run, fall, catch yourself, keep running hard and feel the power of the sprint. Then slow down to rest, reconnect and appreciate your surroundings.  Run again.

As empowering as this run is, it is frustrating when you fall and feel the effects - when you let down a friend or when your grades actually do slip. It's frustrating when you feel full of passion but are restricted by resources and time.

So what do you do when you have too much on your plate but you don't want to throw anything away?

Take your time and share.